through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
