I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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