My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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