He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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