OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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