Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
