How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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