dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
