I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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