Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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