there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
