I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
