At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that's an acceptable place to lick
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
