am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
