do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
