Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
