Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
