just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
