Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
