does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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