so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
