i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
