dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
