I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
