you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
