cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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