my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
