I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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