yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
