how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
