I want to have your abortion
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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