U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
