Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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