Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
