Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
