I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
