It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
