what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize