rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
