you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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