someone threw a dead crab at me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize