Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
