You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
