hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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