how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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