i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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