im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
