How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need a sexual gate keeper
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I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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