are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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