I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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