Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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