I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
