i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
