All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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