my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
