the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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