she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
