i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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