if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
