Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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