I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
