Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
