Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
