new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
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It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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