Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
