i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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