Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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