Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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