whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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