Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
