I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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