im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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