New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
