I wish I could teleport
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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