Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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