I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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