She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
