Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
