fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
