part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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