I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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