Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
