White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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