i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
