OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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